Single at Starbucks

So, Here’s what…

Being single is sometimes a choice

I had a topic on which I was planning to blog today, but as I sat down in Starbucks to get writing, I overheard a conversation and decided I needed to write about that instead. I’m down in San Diego for my last weekend of shows with Moonlight Stage Productions and I have hours to kill before my call time, so I wandered into a neighborhood Starbucks to grab a coffee and hit the Internet. After I ordered my coffee, I proceeded to set myself up at a table and realized that sitting next to me are two older gentlemen (that seem to be regulars here) who are talking about every woman that enters the store. One is too large, one is too skinny (look like she’s from Auschwitz was the comment made!), one would look better with a different hairstyle. They spent a full 10 minutes discussing how if a woman wants to be successful on TV, she should be beautiful, thin, and blonde, otherwise who wants to watch her?? (Yes, these are real comments) I began to think I was sitting next to a horribly overweight and vastly more ignorant version of the old men who heckle the muppets on The Muppet Show!

Then my order is called, with the famous Starbucks disclaimer “out of order” (which I find hilarious, like someone might jump across the counter and scratch out the eyes of the barista that is passing over their extra hot, half caf, soy, upside down caramel macchiato to make someone else’s drink first) and when I return from the bar and sit down with my iced coffee, I overhear the following from one of the hecklers, “It’s kinda sad when you see a woman that never got married. You have to wonder did she miss her chance or maybe she’s a lesbian.” (Yep, that’s a direct quote ladies and gentlemen!) I took a few deep breaths to ensure that I did not make a scene and call this asshole out in the middle of SBux (and after the insane day I had earlier this week, my fuse is short but I won’t go into that story, I think it’s still too fresh)…and then I started thinking about the fact that I am a 33 year old independent woman who is not and has never been married.

According to this man, I have missed my chance…or maybe I’m a lesbian. Well, I’m no lesbian and I will never subscribe to the belief that I have missed my chance (as if there is only one chance in this life anyway). I’ve had relationships in my life, I’ve lived with someone, I’ve fallen in love more than once, I’ve even met a soulmate…but I haven’t gotten married. Does this somehow make me some kind of sad case to other people?? I have to admit, I do have a couple friends that seem to always make me feel awkward about being single, but I think it’s just because I am not making the same choices they are and that is hard for them to understand. The whole idea of getting married, having babies, and buying a house with a white picket fence in a neighborhood with planned parks and 2 car garages is just not for me. And that’s a choice I’ve made, not something I’ve missed out on.  

As I thought more about it, I remembered something I was asked by the last guy I dated…one night he asked me how I felt about being single at my age (you know, like if I was 23 it would be understandable but at 33 shouldn’t I feel differently about it)…he said that he had a friend that was freaking out about it and he wondered why I wasn’t. I answered him with my truth and I’ll tell you all now as well…I’m really good at being single, I’m independent and strong and I take care of myself…I want a partner that challenges me and inspires me and adds to my life story, someone that gives me butterflies (I think Carrie Bradshaw refers to that feeling as the Zsa Zsa Zsu)…I’m not willing to settle…I don’t think of it as being “single at my age”, I think of it as being single until I meet someone that makes me not want to be.

So to anyone out there following along, watch out for ignorant men at SBux and stay tuned for my next blog when I will tackle the topic I was going to today (which I’ve just realized may be a small continuation of this theme)…I’ll give you this teaser, “Fruit Salad”

Until then…“Single” is not a disease inflicted on lesbians and women who have missed some chance they had to get married…it’s a choice made by people who won’t be settling for anything less than butterflies…and THAT’S WHAT!!